Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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