come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
