my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
