I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
