new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
All I want is dick and wine.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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