i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
