I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
