I could make wine with my vomit
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
my being single is dangerous.
vagina is talking i cant
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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