I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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