I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
