is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
