I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
