So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize