she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
