I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
