Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
