Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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