Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
