The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
