was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
