Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
