who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
