i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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