Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
