Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Randomize
