Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
