how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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