She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
