is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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