You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We have so much sex to catch up on
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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