It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
