So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i think my mom watched the whole time
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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