Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Bring me that man meat
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