I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Randomize
