I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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