i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
