You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
