so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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