thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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