I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
