I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
