the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Pants are for mortals
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
