:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
