i don't like sucking hair
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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