oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
