did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
