she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
