omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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