I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
