Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's just like the Real World with babies
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize