The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
