I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
