so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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