Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
