i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
