Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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