After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
