Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize