i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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