We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
