remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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