I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
