We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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