The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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