Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
