you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
