If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
