I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
