I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
