Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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