8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
ugly people sure do ruin things
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Randomize
