She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
