i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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