somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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